I wish I could teleport
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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