What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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