I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
