Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
