I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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