Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
