I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
