Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
