And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
