he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
