I must be too annoying 4 u.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
