I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
