I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
