i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
