I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
