Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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