I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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