i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
