Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
