fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Randomize
