Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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