he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
