please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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