Do you still have your period?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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