think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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