Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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