better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
did i just pee glitter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
