Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Quick, to the slutcave!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
