I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
