While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
