remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
