he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
