you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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