shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
did i walk over a car last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
