i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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