I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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