I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize