if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
