is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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