I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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