i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
