I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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