Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
foreskin is a definite game changer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.