Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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