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• (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

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• (518): View more from New York

  Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.

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  These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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• (+66): View more from Thailand

  Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that

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  25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries

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• (949): View more from California

  I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?

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