I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.