the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
