then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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