I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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