I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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