I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
