I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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