The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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