Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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