im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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