i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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