Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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