porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
