you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
