What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
