Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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