saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
