If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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