Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
