If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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