I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
